29
May
·
Sun
2005
hmm.. having had 1 experience with ken, ppl wd think i'm "pro" in pumping breastmilk, rite? wrong!.. i'm feeling i will fail big time this time round for my #2.. even if not fail big time, it will be not as "good" as what i did for ken.. i can think of various reasons for these anxieties:
- i did too "well" for ken, and am so afraid i can't at least keep up with my "record" for #2
- my work is not stable at all.. i just learned on last Fri, my coy is acquired by another India-based coy.. the fear of losing my job *again* is here.. and i hv not even seen the new "employment contract" and may not "enjoy" maternity benefits.. but, at least, it may be 8 weeks unpaid rather than 4-5mths unemployed.. but again, it may be that tmr, my coy ask me to leave.. :(
- ok, assume, all is well until i come back from confinement, what if my frequent pumping cost me my job? or if i get a new job, will my pumping cost me my new job?
- will sleep deprivation cost me my job?
- and, when i think of the pumping, washing, sterilising, the labellings, the storing, the calculation of how much milk i need to make e'day to "fulfil" tmr's demand.. *SHUDDER*.. but looking back for what i did for ken, i know, it's worth it.. i'm just glad i did what i did cause i know this is how much i can do for him.. and i may not hv the chance of doing again.. and, i wd not hv regrets on this aspect.. i guess this is what all mommies will do "instinctly".. they just want to provide the best for their child.
- the GSS (Great Sg Sales) is here.. i've purchased bottles (6 Nuk 125ml, yes SIX!!) to store EBM (expressed breastmilk).. heck, i've even purchased spare parts for Ameda breastpump which the pump itself i have NOT even purchase.. cos, i hv a fren's bro who was coming back from USA.. so, i went ahead to purchased the parts in preparation for this pumping "career".. and also, due to my panick upon hearing that Avent will discontinue its milkbag, i went ahead to purchase 15 packs of Avent milk bag (1 pack has 40 bags).. so, i hv all these things ready EXCEPT the actual breastpump.. this time round, i plan to use Ameda electric pump.. no way will i use Avent manual pump again cos with my frequent pumping, i actually hurt my wrists last time.. but Avent was good while it last.. and, at that time, e'day i do not think i will last.. hence i din't go ahead to purchase an electric pump.. but this time, i decided investing in an electrical pump will be worth it.. and, my anxiety is b'cos of 2nd point above, i'm afraid i'll be out of job for good.. and then, i wun need ANY pump.. and all the mentioned items will be a waste!!
- i am so tempted to get the pump from USA.. the set that comes with a backpack and all will cost the same (after conversion and shipping) with the basic set (just the pump) i get here.. but if i get from USA, there will be no servicing/warantee if spoil..
- my mom will be helping me out with my confinement.. i'm so worried of her nagging.. with ken, there's no one to nag/blame my bfg.. ken cries a lot! but there's no one to tell me, "feed FM (formula milk), u hv not enuf milk, that's why ur bb is crying"..
- and the greatest fear.. what if my #2 refuse to nurse?
- and a silly one, what if i hv no milk?
see? long list right? i still hv more points/worries i'm sure that has not surface or that i hv not think abt..
and it does not help that i'm manning the BMSG hotline.. a lot of mommies call up and share their worries/problems.. and i try my best to assure them.. but, now that my time is near.. i'm beginning to worry.. what if i can't cope this time round? what if i hv the same problems? will my "textbook" answers be applicable? will i know what to do??
i'm giving myself undue stress.. stress at work, stress with pregnancy, stress with coming #2.. seriously, tell me, anyone really enjoy their pregnancy and maintain their calm and cool? mabbe i think too much.. shd just take one day at a time, rite?.. but how can anyone be so cool?!.. my hormones must be on overdrive now.. :(
mabbe also, today is sunday nite.. i hate sunday nites.. i do not look fw to monday.. always hv the blues.. sigh.. sorrie to bogged e'one down with my life worries.. hope to hv a happier posting the next time u ppl visit my blog.. meantime, go and read happier blogs.. heh.
(2005-05-29 23:19:49 SGT) [wenn] Permalink Comments [14]
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MS, that list is way too long. You will do fine. Remember, stress will affect milk supply. Now already you are thinking all these. Cool down, you are making me nervous also you know. Heh.
Btw, my workplace is quite bf-friendly. They had arranged for a partition to be put up with door, lock and key, near the pantry, so that we can do our pumping there. I can pump as many times as I like as long as it does not affect my work performance.
I feel so blessed.
Posted by Aishah on May 30, 2005 at 02:20 PM SGT #
oh dear, you poor thing. what a loooooong list of worries to spoil your weekend!
cant give any useful advice or feel-good comments, but just wanted u to know i hope you're feeling more cheerful today and to wish you luck with the job. as for the bfg, i'm sure you will do your best, and that's what matters.
p/s: am always suddenly scad i'll fail the "simple math problem... so malu!" :)
Posted by snowdrop on May 30, 2005 at 02:35 PM SGT #
aiyo. how lidat? i think the best is to try not to worry about everything all at once. easy for me to say, i'm sure. at least you've thought about these issues and if they do happen, you won't be caught off guard. that should be 1/4 of the problem solved.
the fact that you have the confidence to man a live hotline goes to show that you do have the experience/skills to rely on. try to trust in yourself. :)
Posted by spot on May 30, 2005 at 09:50 PM SGT #
aiyo.. i'm a worry-wart.. that's what i am.. *sigh*.. i need to be more care-free!!
showdrop, yea i hate the math Qs too.. i love it when i'm asked 33+0.. or 0+anything.. hee.. EM is paranoid abt ppl spamming the comments.. aiyo, as if our blogs will get so "famous".. ;)
Posted by biow on May 30, 2005 at 11:33 PM SGT #
snowdrop, eh bila u will start to blog?.. heh.. dun just be a commentor.. *wink*..
Posted by biow on May 30, 2005 at 11:35 PM SGT #
aiyo, ur list made me kan-jiong pulak! and u're the preggie one! hmm... try not to think so much n take one day at a time. of course, i dunno what i'm talking abt, but hope u're feeling better. (((hugz)))
Posted by sue on May 30, 2005 at 11:36 PM SGT #
sue,
u hv not been updating ur blog.. are u okie?
Posted by biow on May 31, 2005 at 09:45 AM SGT #
Wah, wat a long list of worries! As for me, i dun even know wat to worry about except the labour and delivery part!! Dun worry Biow, u have done well wif Ken, and u will again wif #2. Blame the insecurity on the hormones!!
Posted by Goat on May 31, 2005 at 11:42 AM SGT #
biow, i HAVE a blog... a BLANK one! set it up cos that time i so bodoh, thought need one to comment on spot's - didnt know can be anonymous.
and talking about anonymous, i'm too paranoid to blog... u think EM's bad? i dont even want pple to know my real name!! heh.
Posted by snowdrop on May 31, 2005 at 12:37 PM SGT #
Goat said, "Blame the insecurity on the hormones!!"..
ya boy, spot on!! darn hormones.. ke ke.
snowdrop said, "i dont even want pple to know my real name!!".. heee..
but u hv such a common name.. no one will know it's u.. not like my type of name.. so unique, sure ppl may know.. that's the good thing of having an angmo mia.. ;)
goodie.. 1+6.. i know the answer!
Posted by biow on May 31, 2005 at 02:01 PM SGT #
like i said... paranoid! :)
hmmm...3+19...
Posted by snowdrop on June 01, 2005 at 09:47 AM SGT #
dont worry too much la. when life give you a problem, it will also give you the strength and solution. just take a thing at a time, and meanwhile, just be happy! :)
*whisper mode*...think i be equally worried if ever i m preggie with #2. :p
*curious*? why must we answer a simple math qns?
Posted by lynntan on June 01, 2005 at 02:18 PM SGT #
just realise that the math qns is to prevent spamming. :p
what happen if we answer wrongly???
Posted by lynntan on June 01, 2005 at 02:20 PM SGT #
Your list is l...o....n....g! Chill! You do fine!
Posted by laramie on June 01, 2005 at 09:37 PM SGT #