i am troubled..

(warning: some may be lost abt my vent below.. cos it's a pumping mommy's lament.. so, skip this posting if u'r not into bfg, pumping..)

abt my milk!! what else is new, eh? feel like crying.. ken is refusing to drink my frozen EBM.. my supply is not fanstactic.. i'm only producing in total 2oz more than during ken's time.. now, i'm producing average of 22oz daily, whereas for ken i was producing 20oz.. the problem is ken at this wenn's age now is drinking 7oz x 4 = 28oz.. so i was short of 8oz per day.. my frozen stash then was used to top up the difference for ken.. and with that scary experience of not producing enuf for ken, i'm hoarding my frozen stash for wenn.. but wenn is now only taking 4oz x 5 (20oz) on good days which are rare.. mostly he takes 4oz x 4 (16oz).. so what i pump daily is definitely enuf for him.. thus, my frozen stash is piling up.. and i'm panicking.. thot of letting ken start to drink those frozen stock.. now, sitting in my chest freezer is some 135packs of 4oz frozen EBM.. how to finish?!.. if ken is willing to drink, i have chance.. but now that he's not willing, i hv to mix.. even that, aiyo.. what a headache.. and yet i'm worried that wenn may hv a growth spurt? but it's not happening? and in 2-3w time, i'm planning to start wenn on solids.. sigh.. each child is really different.. but when i think of all those frozen milk that actually i can feed ken all these while, i'm so heartache.. nevertheless, i must coax ken to drink like it or not.. sometimes, i wonder why i even bother to b'f.. all the painstaking effort of pumping, storing, worrying!! and what a worry-wart i am!! but continue pumping i must cos i dunno what's in store in future.. it's just that i can't bear to see my milk thrown when ken refused to drink!.. it's just too heart breaking..

mabbe i shd give frozen EBM to wenn.. but again, i'm torn.. if i hv better quality chilled ones, why wd i want to give him frozen ones?.. :(