notice how rudolph my nose is getting..?

My Belly

pumping/bfg anxiety..

hmm.. having had 1 experience with ken, ppl wd think i'm "pro" in pumping breastmilk, rite? wrong!.. i'm feeling i will fail big time this time round for my #2.. even if not fail big time, it will be not as "good" as what i did for ken.. i can think of various reasons for these anxieties:

• i did too "well" for ken, and am so afraid i can't at least keep up with my "record" for #2
• my work is not stable at all.. i just learned on last Fri, my coy is acquired by another India-based coy.. the fear of losing my job *again* is here.. and i hv not even seen the new "employment contract" and may not "enjoy" maternity benefits.. but, at least, it may be 8 weeks unpaid rather than 4-5mths unemployed.. but again, it may be that tmr, my coy ask me to leave.. :(
• ok, assume, all is well until i come back from confinement, what if my frequent pumping cost me my job? or if i get a new job, will my pumping cost me my new job?
• will sleep deprivation cost me my job?
• and, when i think of the pumping, washing, sterilising, the labellings, the storing, the calculation of how much milk i need to make e'day to "fulfil" tmr's demand.. *SHUDDER*.. but looking back for what i did for ken, i know, it's worth it.. i'm just glad i did what i did cause i know this is how much i can do for him.. and i may not hv the chance of doing again.. and, i wd not hv regrets on this aspect.. i guess this is what all mommies will do "instinctly".. they just want to provide the best for their child.
• the GSS (Great Sg Sales) is here.. i've purchased bottles (6 Nuk 125ml, yes SIX!!) to store EBM (expressed breastmilk).. heck, i've even purchased spare parts for Ameda breastpump which the pump itself i have NOT even purchase.. cos, i hv a fren's bro who was coming back from USA.. so, i went ahead to purchased the parts in preparation for this pumping "career".. and also, due to my panick upon hearing that Avent will discontinue its milkbag, i went ahead to purchase 15 packs of Avent milk bag (1 pack has 40 bags).. so, i hv all these things ready EXCEPT the actual breastpump.. this time round, i plan to use Ameda electric pump.. no way will i use Avent manual pump again cos with my frequent pumping, i actually hurt my wrists last time.. but Avent was good while it last.. and, at that time, e'day i do not think i will last.. hence i din't go ahead to purchase an electric pump.. but this time, i decided investing in an electrical pump will be worth it.. and, my anxiety is b'cos of 2nd point above, i'm afraid i'll be out of job for good.. and then, i wun need ANY pump.. and all the mentioned items will be a waste!!
• i am so tempted to get the pump from USA.. the set that comes with a backpack and all will cost the same (after conversion and shipping) with the basic set (just the pump) i get here.. but if i get from USA, there will be no servicing/warantee if spoil..
• my mom will be helping me out with my confinement.. i'm so worried of her nagging.. with ken, there's no one to nag/blame my bfg.. ken cries a lot! but there's no one to tell me, "feed FM (formula milk), u hv not enuf milk, that's why ur bb is crying"..
• and the greatest fear.. what if my #2 refuse to nurse?
• and a silly one, what if i hv no milk?

see? long list right? i still hv more points/worries i'm sure that has not surface or that i hv not think abt..

and it does not help that i'm manning the BMSG hotline.. a lot of mommies call up and share their worries/problems.. and i try my best to assure them.. but, now that my time is near.. i'm beginning to worry.. what if i can't cope this time round? what if i hv the same problems? will my "textbook" answers be applicable? will i know what to do??

i'm giving myself undue stress.. stress at work, stress with pregnancy, stress with coming #2.. seriously, tell me, anyone really enjoy their pregnancy and maintain their calm and cool? mabbe i think too much.. shd just take one day at a time, rite?.. but how can anyone be so cool?!.. my hormones must be on overdrive now.. :(

mabbe also, today is sunday nite.. i hate sunday nites.. i do not look fw to monday.. always hv the blues.. sigh.. sorrie to bogged e'one down with my life worries.. hope to hv a happier posting the next time u ppl visit my blog.. meantime, go and read happier blogs.. heh.

ken meets didi via ultrascan..

brought ken for my antenatal checkup.. kononnya (supposedly), must involve #1, so that will prevent/minimise sibling rivalry.. pls remind me not to bring again, okie? firstly, we hardly bring ken out so my assumption is that he will be afraid of strangers.. BUT no! he's all friendly and running abt and not shy at all to join older children in the hospital there.. wah, jump and laugh.. sometimes dunno the running ard is better or the wailing?!!.. and the wait was so long.. obviously EM got angry.. but hey, i'm the preggie one and supposedly be the angrier one rite?

and, after waiting for so long, ken was not even interested in the black/white ultrascan.. to him it must be so boring.. all he wanted to do was to press on those buttons on the equipement.. scary.. then i asked the doc to let ken hear the sound of heartbeat.. only when got sound, ken turned to look at the ultrascan.. chey.. then b'cos of being tired from chasing ken up and down prior to seeing my OB.. end up, i forgot to ask for the ultrascan printout.. i also forgot to ask for an MC.. sigh..

and, #2 was crossing his feet.. wd be a nice printout rite? *sigh*.. also, to date, (26w) i've put on 8kg.. and bb is estimated to be abt 1kg.. i think i will put on more weight this time round.. previously with ken, i put on 12kg total.. i hv 3 more mths to go, and hv alreadie put on 8kg.. and the last mth or so, is the more intensive mth.. hehe.. i guess i eat more this time round too.. ;)

now, i'm wondering shd i get ken a present cos again from the "avoiding/minimising sibling rivalry" article, i need to get a WOW present for ken and say that it's from his didi when ken come and visit mommy and didi for 1st time in hospital.. sounds like bribery eh? i'm very sure when my mom gave birth to me, all these are not known.. i'm also suppose to bring ken to buy a "gift" for #2.. aiyo.. that blur blur ken, wonder will he know a thing?!

we went to KL..

during the long Vesak weekend holiday.. i have not been there since my TARC (Tunku Abdul Rahman College) days which was like in year 1992-1993.. so, it's a trip after 12yrs.. KL has change tremendously..

EM wrote a write up of the trip.

Avatar..

this is an unfinished avatar of ken's for his 2nd year of life.. only hv pics until his 22nd mth.. hv not choosen a pic for 23rd mth.. which reminds me, i still hv to "cut" a vcd of short video clips of ken's 2nd year.. wah.. very tired.. wonder i hv the time to do it?! which also reminded me, 2 weeks ago i spent 7+hrs while doing a 7 minute video of my dad's funeral from still images.. using the software ULead Video Editor.. like quite canggih.. it's like doing powerpoint presentation but can be played from VCD players.. cool.. will post the VCD to my family and see what they say..

meantime, enjoy these avatars of ken.. i'm sure u readers may be tired of ken's pic here and there.. heh.. but he's a big part of my life..

and this one is captured today.. the way he throw his tantrum very cute.. EM and I still find it VERY amusing.. poor ken, crying away, while his parents taking his short video.. heh

long time ago, while preggie with ken..

i actually knitted this sweater for him.. amazing.. til today i find it amazing.. or more like.. "HUH? what went into my head then?!".. trust me, it's not easy.. but after having spent a bomb on the wools and needle, i was forced to complete the project.. and for this little piece, i actually took almost 6mths! i was so afraid i can't finish before i labor ken, that i actually pleaded to the shop lady to help me to knit.. but of cos she wun.. the shop lady will teach u how to knit.. u can come as many times as u want to the shop.. all u need to do is to buy wools from them.. so, for the longest time, i'm so sick of knit and purl, knit and purl.. and it din't help one bit that i'm as blind as i'm deaf.. i can't see issit a knit i'm suppose to do now, or issit a purl i shd do.. so, i gasak-ed.. as a result, one side of the sleeve was knitted wrongly!! whole sleeve!! the lady just pull the wool like nobody business and ask me to start all over again!! NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!

but thinking back it was hilarious.. as, i went to the shop once a week.. and i will meet a few "regulars".. and they went on to like complete sweaters after sweaters except me.. they always burst out laughing cos i'm still at ken's TINY sweater.. and those they did was for adults and pattern pattern type.. got holes and lacey like patterns and what nots.. was so embarassing.. anyway, finally ken managed to fit in! trust me.. blame it on my hormones! if i'm sane, knitting will be the VERY last thing i wd even attempt..